the pwning of the n00b
by tetsuhiro
Summary: Amestris has discovered computer technology! This is really dumb.
1. Capture the Flag, Horde vs Alliance

A/N I just thought of this randomly when I was playing wow, I put World of Warcraft terms in this, so Im sorry if you dont play and dont understand what they are saying. This will be a series of random events going on and what I think would happen if the FMA gang played the game. enjoy :)

**FMA WoW Characters (all level 80's)**

Ed-Blood Elf Paladin -Horde-

Al-Undead Priest –Horde-

Winry-Troll Shaman –Horde-

Roy-Human Death Knight –Aliance-

Riza-Night Elf Hunter –Aliance-

Armstrong-Human Warrior –Aliance-

Hughes Dreniel Shaman –Aliance-

It was another Sunday morning when Edward awoke, despite not being a morning person; he was actually in a good mood. For today was Sunday, his favorite day for one reason –no work! No smart ass remarks from the colonel, no getting ambushed by Hughes to look at his latest pictures of his daughter, not Hawkeye pointing a gun at his head to do his reports. Yep, it was a day to enjoy so he was gonna use that new machine called a 'computer'. Almost anyone who had money had one or two, making them hard to get your hands on. So when Al got him one for Christmas, he was ecstatic. Now, people use computers for many reasons, work, relaxation, advertising, blah blah blah. But what Ed liked to do, was play that popular game that has been taking peoples souls and depriving them of any human contact or productivity, he was of course talking about World of Warcraft.

When he first got it installed, and played for the first time, he had to admit it was a little confusing. But he quickly caught on and now was a pro, playing it whenever he could. He couldn't tell you how many hours he's spent on that game, but when he reached level 80 (the max) he was overwhelmed with accomplishment. Al had thought it was silly at first, this new game of his, but was quickly intrigued at how much fun it looked.

Getting out of bed, Ed put a clean t-shirt on and walked into the bathroom for his daily routine, once that was out of the way, he looked at the clock to see that it was 8:30am. Not really hungry, Ed casually went over to his computer, sat down, and turned it on. After a brief start-up jingle, his desktop was on and he tapped on the WoW Icon with his automail finger. Noticing Al was gone; Ed smiled to himself as he prepared to spend at least half the day in Azeroth….

_^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*^_

_Fullmentalalchemist has come online_

Roy smirked as he moved his level 80 DeathKnight to the nearest mailbox, quickly checking to see if Riza had sent him those titainsteel bars he asked for. So the shrimp has come online eh? Good thing he had Fuery hack into the game to where he can know when people from the other faction come online. So he made sure to add the little pain and his brother. Time to get the group together! Roy brought up his friends list and searched for his partners in crime.

_The midget is online, I repeat the midget is online, meet up in warsong gulch, lets pwn dat noob._

_[Sniperlady] says: Got it, I told Al to make him go in the BG in 5 min, c u there sir._

_[Megamuscles] says: Absolutely! With my superior strength and fortitude we will not fail! I will be there in a matter of seconds my friend, and together we will conquer the Horde!_

_[Photolord] says: lol I can't wait to gank fullmetal, he never has a good group XD _

Glad to see them on board, Roy put himself on the Battleground list, In 3 minutes it would be a battle of Horde against Alliance, and find endless satisfaction in killing Ed's paladin.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

_Kitteeluver says: Great, I'll meet u there. And brother, don't forget to bring ur mana pots again, the colonel always beats you cause ur gear isn't speced to tank. _

_Fullmentalalchemist says: ya I know, jeeze. Btw when this is done lets run PoS so I can finally get that helm I needed. Friggin mage ninja'd it from me when it dropped._

_Kitteeluver says: D: oh noes! That was like ur 8__th__ time running it, the drop level is tarded._

_Fullmentalalchemist says: crap it says time 2 go, cya in raid chat phonse. Oh and how are you on? Where u at?_

_Kitteeluver says: teacher is letting me use hers, and mk meet me over by the flag._

Ed, Al, and a bunch of random Horde characters were busy buffing everyone when the text said the battle was to begin in 30 seconds. Ed was busy whispering to his brother about how he should use his priest powers and cover Ed while he goes for the Alliance flag. Al was a damn good healer and Ed even though Ed was dps spec'd at the moment he could still take the damage from mustang and his crew.

[Raid] [Ragnarose] says: Ok listen up yall, I'm goin in to get the flag first so I need all healers on me k?

[Raid] [Kitteeluver] says: Warlocks shouldn't go 4 flag noob, I doubt they would struggle to kill one with 19230 hp, Im healin fullmental.

[Raid] [Ragnarose] says: stfu fruitcake ive carried the flag like 50 times.

[Raid] [Kitteeluver] says: but have you ever captured it?

[Raid] [Ragnarose] says: ……..

[Raid] [Bitchinautomail] says: XD ^^^ dork^^^

THE WARSONG BATTLE HAS BEGUN!!

[Raid] [Fullmentalalchemist] says: ok anyone who doesn't wanna follow that turd come w/ me to back entrance of their base.

Everyone but Ragnarose followed Ed….

^*^*^*^*^*^*^

_30 seconds earlier._

[Raid] [Colonelpyro] says: k sniper you go with mega and photo u heal. Ill protects flag with D&D plus I got sum rouge with me in stealth so don't worry.

[Raid] Megamuscles] says: On it o excellent BG planner! I shall retrieve the flag from our enemy and humiliate them with our superiority! For the Alliance!

[Raid] [Mojangles] says: wtf?

[Raid] [Photolord] says: just ignore him and guard the flag.

THE WARSONG BATTLE HAS BEGUN!!

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Ed went over to lead a number of horde players to the secret alliance entrance, determined not to get ambushed by Roy's team yet again. So with a some random hunter as bait/lookout, they managed to sneak in and send two rouges to check out the area.

[Raid][Kitteeluver] says: Ed gimme my flask of the frostworm plz.

_Fullmentalalchemist says: oh shit srry meant to give them to u earlier._

_Kitteeluver says: is your alchemy skill maxed yet?_

_Fullmentalalchemist says: pshh its been 450 since last month, and so is my herb. U?_

_Kitteeluver says: mhmm I hit 450 in enchanting about 2 days ago, I made my staff have +81 spellpower woot!_

_Fullmentalalchemist says:Nice, when this is over gimme the attackpwer one k?_

_Kitteeluver says: np, that will be 160g :D_

_Fullmentalalchemist says: o.0 ok then Ill just keep the pots I make u!_

_Kitteeluver says: *gasp*! But I need em for dungeon heals! ok ok, its free, but only this one! mats are hell to get.._

*Ed opens up trade and gives Al 2 Flask of the Frostworm*

/ty

/np

Ed, Al, and winry were up ahead, seeing as the rouges spotted no one near by, maybe mustang was lagging or just stupid today. The flag was in plain sight, and Ed quickly moved up and right-clicked on the blue aliiance flag.

FULLMENTALALCHEMIST HAS TAKEN THE ALIIANCE FLAG!

Well if that didn't give him away, all of a sudden bright red bubbly lava like magic came from the ground under him, oh shit… Death and Decay…a Death Knight move….which means…..mustang is here!

[Raid] [Fullmentalalchemist] says: Al, bubble me and set prayer of mending !

Ed quickly ran out of the base when he saw 10 horde members come out of nowhere, with a Death knight with the name [Colonelpyro] above his head. With Al taking hits, trying to heal and keep up with Ed, he was struck down by a hunters pet named 'Hayate' and a Arcane Shot by a rifle.

Hawkeye…double shit

By now half of Eds team were dead, and with him so exposed, he knew they would get him and make him drop the flag before he got it to base. By some miracle he was ahead of the crowd, but stumble even for second and he would be in their attack range.

Just when Ed reached his base, he tried to loose them by going in the difficult and slightly hidden way. He has to make it, to drop it now would humiliate him, so he wouldn't give up. Ed waited, torn between running for it, or stay and wait for more players to show.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

He saw him come in here… Mustang and Armstrong decided to just team up and kill the punk and then steal the flag, but the base wasn't huge, why couldn't they find him?

Hughes was in position with his totems set up, and Riza set a freeze trap at the main entrance. That's when she saw him on her mini map because of her Track Humaniod.

[Raid] [Sniperlady]says: Over by the stairs! Ill set up another trap at the top so you can corner him!

[Raid][Colonelpyro] says: GJ omw.

This was over, he saw Ed under the stairs, not moving, for a second he though Ed went AFK because even when he and Armstrong came up, he didn't even make an attempt to escape. Because the factions cant communicate with eachother, the only way he could get his threat across was by saying.

Colonelpyro says: P r e p a r e t o d I e m o fo ! m u h a h a h a!

Satisfied by the childish words, he sat back, having all the time in the world. But still no running, but suddenly word came above Eds paladin in white letters.

F U C K J O O

Hmmf, fine, this little ass wanted to just stand there all day but Roy had honor points to earn. In orcish and unreadable to Ed, he said 'Kill Him'

As Roy casted his D&D on the place Ed was standing he saw someone from the top of the stairs and on top of a dead hunter, casting a spell and looking at him. It was a priest, and he saw it was Al. Just then he lost control of his character and was lead outside. dammit Mind Control! cheater! He was about to just wait it out, figuring Al was just leading him away, but then he saw a rather large cliff, and he was heading to it against his will. _Crafty Sucker_ Roy though as his Death knight plummeted to his death.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Now that Roy was out of the way and Armstrong was being held back by the recently resurrected Horde members, Al went up to Ed.

Kitteeluver says: gogogogogo!

Ed didn't need to be asked, he was on his was to the main hall where the flag needed to be captured. As he ran again Mustangs partners and other Ally members where fighting the wall of Horde to get to him, but still he ran, les than 5 feet…

FULLMENTALALCHEMIST HAS CAPTURED THE ALIANCE FLAG! SCORE 0/1

[Raid] [Bitchinautomail] says: w00000t!

[Raid] [Myranlani]says: nice job

_Kitteeluver says: Nice job bro!_

Edward grinned, yes! 1 point down, 2 more to go!

Meanwhile, Roy and his raid were planning something devious that involved camping Ed at the graveyard when they ganked him.

This was going to be a long match…

* * *

Well hope that was worth reading, any WoW players just to let you know I take requests on what to make them do so dont hesitate to PM me! plz review, I love to hear peoples thoughts on my fics.


	2. For The Alliance!

A/N Well here's chapter 2, sorry for the wait but 2 days ago my parents surprised us with a vacation to Spain. So just now I have access to the internet and wanted to get this out. Thanks to all who reviewed and added me to their story alerts/favs. I luvs you all ^_^ Anyways I just want to say that while a lot of the chapters will be one-shots of the gangs WoW adventures, this chapter will follow the previous small story of Roy and Ed fighting over who has more wins in PvP.

After finishing his turkey and cheddar sandwich, Roy Mustang sat at his glass table thinking about yesterdays' events. Taking the occasional sip of Pepsi, Roy was perturbed to say the least. Today was Saturday, and that meant he didn't have to be in the office until 2:30 but the fact that he had a mountain of papers awaiting him today wasn't his problem, it in fact involved a very heated match of Warsong Gultch and losing to the Horde an hour after it started. Not only did it hurt to lose, but the sheer fact of how he would be hearing Edward gloat about his victory when he got to the office today was almost unbearable.

It may have ended in a 2-3 score, but in WSG Roy and his team where well known for their superiority. To lose to anyone would be shocking, but to the Fullmetal…No it was personal. Roy looked at the clock to his right, it read 11:27. Still brooding over the hit to his ego, a wonderfully delicious idea popped into his head. There was still time to get his revenge, to even the score before work so HE would have something to brag about, but he had to act fast. Rushing over to his computer in the study, Roy sat down and logged into his World of Warcraft account and selected his Death Knight character; a smirk now plastered on his face. _Lets see that brat deal with THIS._

His character appearing at the Dalaran bank, Roy brought up his friends list, hoping that at least some of his team was online.

Photolord – Online Halls of Reflection

Megamuscles - Online Halls of Reflection

Puddings – Online Goldshire

Siarthina- Offline

Thopper – Online Hellfire Peninsula

Sniperlady – Offline

Well, at least 2 of his team was on, knowing that Riza was most likely at work already, he decided to whisper them and then spam trade chat for his plan to work. They had actually never got around to this before, and the short notice was bound to make this difficult, but this was the only way to get back at Ed, his brother, and the entire Horde race on this server. Roy was going on a city raid.

[For the Alliance!] Slay the Leaders of the Horde  
-Death to the Warchief  
-Downing the Darklady  
-Bleeding Bloodhoof  
-Killed in Quel' Thalas  
Reward: Black War Bear

* * *

_Colonelpyro says: Hey you almost done in HoR?_

_Photolord says: ya on last boss, just buffing and letting the heals mana up. We should b done in 4 min. y?_

_Colonelpyro says: mkay when ur done wanna go on raid?_

_Photolord says: umm, ok if its quick, what you have in mind?_

_Colonelpyro says: _[For the Alliance!]

_Photolord says: hell ya! Ill tell alex and well pst u when rdy._

Roy then proceeded to check his mail, and sure enough the daily supply of titainsteel bars from Riza where there again, he paid the COD amount and went to his bank. Depositing the bars in his slots for later as he was collecting mats to make a Titainsteel Destroyer; he positioned his DK at the bank steps.

[2 .Trade][Colonelpyro] says: LFM [For the Alliance!] pst for invite

About 5 minutes later.

_Photolord says: Hayy there roy! we r done and alex says hes in, invite plz_

Photolord has Joined the Raid Group  
Megamuscles has Joined the Raid Group

[Raid] [Intothedark] says: Sup, Mega you MT?

[Raid] [Megamuscles] Says: Why of course my fellow player! With my mighty stats I can withstand any damage that befalls me!

[Raid] [Photolord] says: that means yes lol

[Raid Leader] [Colonelpyro] says: ok we only need couple more, keep looking ppls

15 minutes later Roy and his Raid had managed to put together a group of about 42 people. Knowing that his favorite little blonde always was in either Orgrimgar or Dalaran, he decided to go to Org last since that's where I said he's been all day. Roy once again thankful for the 'cheat' to detect if Ed was on or not despite his faction.

[Raid Leader] [Colonelpyro] says: Ok everyone g2g, meet you in Org

Oh yes, revenge was gonna be sweet, Roy couldn't wait to see the look on Eds face at work today when he manages to kill him and his city leaders in less than 2 hours. It will make that little win in Warsong seem like crap.

^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*

Edward was in Orgrimgar trying to earn some extra money by using his profession in Alchemy when he saw someone yell

[][ Manlicatio] says: Alliance coming to Org!OMG all noobies hide!!

[] [Shealowing] says: Eh just let em, if we were smart we would raid them while they are busy here.

[] [Blackcblades] says: ya but we aren't smart XD

Ed thought it was strange for the Alliance to raid now; it was Saturday afternoon, hardly favorable to do it at like 2 am or something. But there was only one explanation to the seemingly desperation to get this out of the way early, Roy.

That was it wasn't it! Ed had practically prepared a speech on how to shove the victory yesterday in the colonel bastards face, but he just HAD to go and do something to even them out. What an ass…Ed was making flask of endless rage when he decided on a plan of his own. Oh no, Roy was not going to finish that achievement, even if they couldn't stop them, he was sure he could at least slow the Alliance down until Roy and his crew were forced to get off to go to work. Ed couldn't care less if he was late, but the Colonel couldn't without staring down the barrel of a gun aimed by Hawkeye; so the perfect strategy was simply to stall.

[][Fullmentalalchemist] says: why don't we try to stop them for once? Damn we look like such pussies when we just let em pass when they fight like hell to rebel when we go to theirs.

[] [Bitchinautomail] says: shoo I gots time, lets do it, come on guys don't wuss out.

[][Manlicatio] says: yaay lets stick it to them ally! No one kills our king!

[][Maraysue] says: oh noes! Alliance are coming111

[][Kitteluver] says: That's already been established retard

[][Fullmentalalchemist] says: lol ok everyone whos in meet up by warchief.

Surprisingly there was a good amount of Horde players in the warchiefs chambers, some were probably there to watch as they were level 40's 20's etc. But Ed was confident that the plan they laid out was solid. The directions were simple. Go for Colonelpyro! Ed was fully aware that if Roy was in this raid (which he was 95% sure he was) that he would be the leader, never missing the chance to order people around. And Ed made sure to let all of Orgrimmgar know just who to aim for

[ Defense] Orgrimmgar is under attack!

Edward sighed, he was standing ready in the midst of about 40-50 Horde and in front of their warchief. Al next to him and buffing everyone he could.

[ Defense] Orgrimmgar is under attack!  
[ Defense] Orgrimmgar is under attack!

And so it begins….

* * *

Roy lead his small army into the city of Orgrimgar, at least the good news was the only people they had to fight through was the guards. _Hmmm they couldn't have enough time to put up resistance could they? But where else could everyone be? _Roy saw the occasional noob or two, even a few of the higher levels, but since Orgrimgar was the second largest populated city of the horde behind Dalaran, it seemed weird that not many people were around. On a Saturday no less. They ended up getting to the 'throne room' in less than 5 minutes, as they turned the corner to kill the boss and move one, there was a large number of horde players waiting, and obstructing the view of the main goal.

[Raid] Photolord] says: holy bejeezers I didn't think theyd figure it out and be ready by now!

[Raid] [Intothedark] says: ya man we just need to kill their healers and get this shit done before they spank us

_Megamuscles says: Not to worry my dear colonel! Their numbers may be great but if we just stick to our tank and spank plan and with you and me as tanks we will prevail!_

_Colonelpyro says: hehe thanks for your optimism but don't get cocky, that's… how we lost the battle yesterday. -_-_

_Megamuscles says: Nonsense! Of course to realize true victory one much taste defeat. So do not get discouraged and fight on! FOR THE ALLIANCE!_

_Wow, Roy thought, what a complete spaz._

As Roy and his team prepared for the assault, he took notice of those in front. Eyes that shouldn't have gone wide did, and he saw that all too familiar username and gear he knew as Ed, aka Fullmentalalchemist. Roy always smirked at that, such a fitting name. Anyways he also took note of those around him; he saw Al, no surprise, and Winrys user as well. Along with dozens of other random well geared characters well. Someone made the emote /charge, and even though Roy was the leader, he took that as the go ahead to do just that. As Roy started to run in close, he noticed all the healers putting up shields, the DKs using Horn of Winter, and other such last minute stuff. He targeted Ed, knowing that the others would take care of the healers. The only thing he wanted was to kill the paladin in front of him, again, and again. Then kill their warchief and continue to humiliate the shrimp like he was yesterday. _And so it begins_ he thought

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Ed was still waiting for the Alliance to come when he say them come into view, rounding the corner and positioning themselves right in front of their own army. About 60 feet away, that's where he saw him. _Pfft I knew it_ Was Mustangs character standing proudly in front. He also recognized Hughes and Armstrong next to him, but thankfully that was all that was of his 'Dream Team'. Ed drank his flasks and put up his buffs, then just stood still, waiting for them to make the first move.

[Raid][Kitteeluver] says: looks like they don't outnumber us at least.

[Raid][Bitchinautomail] says: ya but they can still put up a fight. Careful all

[Raid Leader][Fullmentalalchemist] says: np, as long as we stick to the plan they shouldn't be 2 much 2 handle.

[Raid][Manlicatio] says: um what wuz the plan again?? O.0

{Raid][Kitteeluver] says: omg haven't we been over this with you like 4 timez!? Fullmental is MT, im MH, you are some insignificant buttwipe, and the rest of us go for their leader Colonelpyro.

[Raid][Ragnarose] says: lol

[Raid][Bitchinautomail] says: XD burn

Hacudimi starts to charge!

[Raid Leader] [Fullmentalalchemist] says: hehe how uses that emote anymore? anywho get rdy

Edward stood his ground as Roy and his group stared to run towards them, targeting his least favorite DK, Edward tapped his hotkey 5 to cast Hammer of Justice on him and proceeded to pound him with his mace while taking hits from Roys as well. Damn it did some damage, plus the bastard of course cast Death & Decay around him so that just added to his difficulty. He had to admit, Roy was good. But luckily he has an awesome healer constantly using penance, greater heal, and shielding him. But while Roy's life was draining despite the obvious healer somewhere in the fray, Ed was stoked that his stayed at almost full. At least 8 other were attacking Roy, while he was taking hits from only this DK; so not even the best healer in the realm could save Roy from death. Maybe this raid wasn't such a bad thing, if he stopped the bastards assault, he would have TWO things to brag about at the office!

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

Roy wasn't a particularly angry man, but this was just the thing to make his blood boil. Not only was he still little peeved from losing to the one person he couldn't stand to lose to once, but if he failed the city raid today, he would never hear the end of it. That little ass would go on and on for days of the major pwnage he and his brother served Roy, and practically announce his victory to all of central. So now, as he was trying his hardest to just make the kid DIE, all he could think about was his own hp and how it was falling so fast! The raid was messy to say the least, Horde and Alliance players along with city guards scattered all over the place in a flurry of lights, spells, random sounds of death and shouts, blah blah blah. But what confused him the most was why he was the only one attacking the main tank! While it seemed like 10 people were attacking him, from some unknown location there were heals coming to him, but he knew in less than 1 min he would be dead. And the walk to the throne room was long; he never would make it in time for work if it took this long to just get to the city leaders. But Roy was determined to at least kill Ed at least ONCE, if he did that, then lack of time would be to blame, not his inability to actually finish. Ed was a good player; he had to admit that at least. Constantly giving him a hell of a time to get his attacks through. But Roy was at the last city leader, He'd be damned if he was going to just give up now because Ed had a million players against him. But damn, this was hard…

_Sniperlady says: Hello sir, I had a few minutes and I see you need some help. Oh and I brought some friends_

Roy looked over at the entrance to the room, and sure enough, there was an additional 20 Alliance players charging into the battle. And the light blue lettering above one in particular identifying Hawkeye. _Hallelujah!! Roy thought, he was going to bow down to Riza for this later today, ok not really but he would defiantly owe her one._

[Raid Leader] [Colonelpyro] says: go 4 the fullmentalalchemist! hes the pally on me

At least 10 of the new people ,(including Hawkeye) targeted Ed, Casting numerous diseases, curses , and Hawkeye using Chimera shot while Hughes and Armstrong went after Al, quickly killing him in a few strikes. Al being a priest was bad enough, but with all his mana spent on Eds heals, he shattered like glass. Now without being healed, and all his comrades being picked off, and damage stacked on him, Eds hp dropped probably faster than Als, and Mustang could only smile as he used Icy Touch, and thus delivering the final blow to Edwards poor paladin. Now there was nothing in his way of the Warchief sitting on his throne.

* * *

3 Minutes later

Edward was still a ghost, but had made his way to the room he died where he had a front row seat of seeing Roy and his group drain Orgrimgars life away. Just as the Boss hit the ground, the screen on Eds computer flashed with the over abundance of achievement alerts as every Alliance player was announced to have completed For The Alliance!

[Raid][Manlicatio] says: oh noes our chief is dead! *cries*

[Raid][Ragnarose] says: god dammit will you shut up!

Manlicatio has been removed from the Raid.

[Raid Leader][Fullmentalalchemist] says: ok well we gave it a good try, you all just suck too much or there weren't enough of you. Now my boss is soo gonna rub my face in this! Cya

Fullmentalalchemist has left the Raid.

[Raid Leader] [Kitteeluver] says: ya kinda sux that they get their Black War Bears…. Lets raid thiers tomorrow night.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

-Central Command: Mustangs Office-

And turns out everyone (except Riza of course) was 20 minutes late for work that day.

"1 hour and 10 minutes! Can you believe it! We should get another achievement for record time!" Hughes boasted to Alphonse, who was sitting on Roys black leather couch across from Eds desk and looking almost as pissed as his brother.

"That's true Maes, such an accomplishment just runs Fullmetals victory right over s it?"

Edward was at his desk trying to sign his reports when he gave in to his urge to throw his pen at Mustang. It missed, but Roy turned to him with his trademark smirk etched into his features

"Why Edward, you aren't mad about ho bad we pwned you and your friends are you?"

"Oh shut up you egotisical bastard! The only reason you won was because the Lieutenant came with like 50 more people! Besides this doesnt change the fact that WE still beat you yesterday!"

Roys smirk didn't falter "hmmph, Warsong can hardly be compared to a city raid, but if you want to be a LITTLE baby, lets call our score a tie"

WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE HAS TO ASK A GNOME TO REACH THINGS FOR HIM!!

Hughes busted out laughing, Al did a major* facepalm*, and Roy simply responded with "you are my little noob" and that's when Ed snapped. Rising from his desk and was about to deliver a serious ass-whoppin' when Hawkeye knocked on the door.

"ehem. Come in"

"Sir can you come out into the hall for a moment?"

"Certainly" Ed shot a death glare at Roy before he was out of sight.

"So what was it yo-"Roy stopped in mid sentence when he was staring down the barrel of his trigger happy lieutenant and started to sweat.

"You were 20 minutes late today sir, You know not to take the game into your work time! What did I say was going to happen if you did it again?"

Roy thought about the threat Riza had made to him 2 weeks ago when he was lost in World of Warcraft and missed a whole 3 hours of work. The punishment involved her handcuffing his hand to the desk, forcing him to do his entire weeks paperwork until she saw fit, an at gunpoint if he tried to escape. As se pulled out her military issue handcuffs, Roy thought if it was worth being late again just to pwn Edward in a pvp battle….

_Yeah, It was totally worth it._

Well theres the ending of my first little ficlett in the series. This was kinda hard to write because I couldn't really sum up all the details of a city raid into words. But I think it turned out ok. Sorry if it wasn't as funny as It was in my head haha. But the next one Im gonna have some of them working together in a instance and I have a hilarious idea for that *grins evilly* stick around my lovely readers! More is on da way!


	3. Gold Spammers

Nothing to do with past chapters. New short story ^_^

Edward – Level 13 Human Paladin

^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Edward was currently in Goldshire, he was on his way to Westfall when he decided to stop for repairs to his gear. Surprisingly there were a lot of people in this area today, fellow noobies and level 80's alike were surrounding the two small houses that made up Goldshire. Ed found it really stupid that some people would just stand around for hours and do absolutely nothing. In the short time he was there, all he saw were random duels, dancing naked characters, and the super annoying people who for some reason kept using the /Say/ function instead of whisper or party chat like normal people.

Even though he was fairly new at this game, if there was one thing that he knew, it was that sitting around on your mount all day and talking about how some guy named Obama was the greatest didn't make you level up. With a sigh, he started to make his way out of the small building and on to the road, ignoring the requests to dual and turning down the party invite requests.

Feeling a little down at the realization that he'd have to do the boring quests of Westfall while earning freaking 2 silver per quest didn't help his mood. He hated not being able to do anything fun yet. He hated to watch all those smug high levels go around the city in trade chat and say how they are "LFM ICC " or "WTB blah blah paying 1000g" And so far the most epic thing he had ever done was kill a boss named Hogger in the woods. While simultaneously managing to stay absolutely poor and have gray items still equipped.

How he wished that somehow he could just jump to like 70 and have the thousands of gold he sees other people have.

_Ghfurutjughdh Says: Hello Cheesepuffets! Take advantage of our holiday deals! _&illegal _Power Levling 1-70 only 90$!! . Gold 1000g 19.95 use the promotion code "We are spamming fags" to get 10% more! Wooohooo Have a great day. LOVE!!1_

It only took Edward 12 seconds to read before he wrote down the URL on a piece of paper.

"Oh awesome! Who knew you could buy gold!? And paying them to level is was better than this shit hahaha!" Edward said, being the WoW addict he was.

Later that night…

"What the Hell is this!?" Ed exclaimed upon reading his email.

Mr. Elric

We have found evidence of illegal Gold buying on your account. You have failed to follow the terms you signed in the beginning of the making of your account. As a result, your World of Warcraft account has been deleted. Have a nice day.

Blizzard Entertainment


	4. I Survived Trade Chat

Note: Some actual facts about WoW have been altered slightly for the sake of the story making sense, please try and just roll with it. Hope you have some laughs along the way :D

Just a reminder, all new chapters will be one-shots unless I say it will continue; at the bottom of page.

* * *

Roy was frustrated beyond the point of no return. As a healer spec'd Druid, gear was VERY important to him. And once upon a time…choosing a Tailoring profession had seemed to be a good idea. Little did he know that to make anything actually worthwhile takes a lot of expensive mats. So you can imagine his anger when he tries to make a very nice epic Merlin's Robe. With +103 stamina and intellect, 131 spellpower, 90 haste rating, 66 crit rating; you would think that the robe is badass enough. But that excludes the fact that it also has a blue, red, and yellow socket with still room for an enchantment nearly made Roy burst when he saw it. And for the past few days, it just so happened that he was trying to get (as said before) the very rare and difficult to get mats for the damned thing.

He had been sitting in his office chair for about 5 hours now, searching the AH and running dungeons to at least save up his emblems and get the Crusader Orbs needed. And to be frank, his ass hurt, _a lot._ With currently having 4/8 Ebonweave, 7/8 Spellweave, 8/8 Dreamshard, and 3/8 Crusader Orbs needed, he knew that this would take many more long and (literally) painful hours of playing and scrounging materials for his epic robe.

Leaving the AH yet again disappointed by lack of what he needs, Roy put himself in the queue for another random Heroic. Lazily he glances over to the chat box to see if anything interesting was going on. That's when he saw it.

[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: WTB stack of Silver Ore pst

Roy stared at his screen, mouth agape. For fucks sake he totally forgot about Trade chat! This whole time he could just ASK to but the mats and he would be on his way to making his robe! O..m..g..

"I am such a dumbass…" Roy said aloud. Why did he not think of this before? Money really wasn't an issue; at least, he didn't think it would be.

Taking himself out of the queue, with his flame-snapping trained fingers he quickly typed.

[2 . Trade] Alwaysavailable says: WTB x4 Ebonweave, x1 Spellweave, x5 Crusader Orb. PST with price.  
[2 . Trade] Glassmenagerie says: ooo whatcha makin?  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: who the hell cares? oh and WTB stack of Silver Ore!  
[2 . Trade] Glassmenagerie says: I do! Ur so mean cause nobody gives u ur silver :P

_Amytoday says: I have Crusader Orbs, 3000g for all.  
Alwaysavailable says: wtf!? Don't u think that's alittle high?  
Amytoday says: no and don't go sayin you want something if you cant pay loser.  
Alwaysavailable says: wait a sec… Amy Hoppkins?  
Amytoday says: Roy? How the hell do you know who I am?  
Alwaysavailable says: you told me that on our last date when I forgot my wallet when we went to The Cheesecake Factory…_

**Amytoday is ignoring you.**

[ 2 . Trade] Redbadge says: WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE ON THIS SEVER ALWAYS HAVE A STICK UP THEIR ASS?  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: why do people like you always insist on capitalizing your words when you have something dumb to say?  
[2 . Trade] Alwaysavailable says: WTB Crusader Orb x5 , Ebonweavex4, Spellweavex1  
[2 . Trade] Redbadge says: QUIET YOU!!1 WE ARE DISSCUSSING TINGS!  
[2 . Trade] Alwaysavailable says: stfu Im using trade for what its actually for.  
[2 . Trade] Glassmenagerie says: ya right we all know trade if 4 talking :D  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: *cough* signs of people without lives *cough*  
[2 . Trade] Redbadge says: REPORTED  
[2 . Trade] Siarthina says: lawl who report dumb shit like that?  
[2 . Trade] Redbadge says: REPORTED

Roy then sat back, doing major Face/Palm. What the hell are these people even DOING?! He just wanted to buy his stuff and leave. But he failed to understand why there are actual beings that just freaking sat there an d made random conversation on trade chat. Deciding to try once more, he typed in his message again. The reply?

[2 . Trade] Glassmenagerie says: g o away you are hogging the lines! I wanna talk about piiiiiie!!  
[2 . Trade] Siarthina says: dude you have problems  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: Sum1 get this 12 yr old off wow  
[2 . Trade] Redbadge says: IM WITH GLASS PIE IS KEWL (^_^) (^_^)  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: dammit stop using caps friggin mofo  
[2 . Trade] Alwaysavailable says: its ok, if it makes him feel better about the fact that his mom doesn't love him then let him do it.  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: lol  
[2 . Trade] Siarthina says: lol  
[2 . Trade] MrsHawk: good one sir

_Alwaysavailable says: hey Riza  
MrsHawk says: Hello sir, is you paperwork done for the day?  
_

**Mrshawk is now being ignored.**

[2 . Trade] Redbadge says: OMG SHUT UP YOU BONER MY MOMMY LOVES ME VERY MUCH!!  
[2 . Trade] Siarthina says: wow you just confirmed it  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: what? That his mom does indeed hate him or that he has a small dick so he is venting his anger?  
[2 . Trade] Glassmenagerie says: stop picking on him everyone is so un nice!  
[2 . Trade] Siarthina says: lol you are so deep in you vocabulary glass, you want to tell me what the meaning of life is next of can you not spell LIFE?  
[2 . Trade] Mariatchiband says: the meaning of life is to please god  
[2 . Trade] SgtPloofins says: oh shit here we go..  
[2 . Trade] Redbadge says: THAT'S NOT TRUE THE MEANING OF LIFE IS PANTIES!!!  
[2 . Trade] Siarthina says: both are wrong, god doesn't exist and panties are simply underwear for girls and objects of fetishes for guys.  
[2 . Trade] Alwaysavailable says: soo nobody has Crusader Orbs or the Weave?  
[2 . Trade] Mariatchiband says: Siarthina you are going to hell! Blasphemy you speak!  
[2 . Trade] Glassmenagerie says: twinkie is still a funny word

"Oh Forget it!" Roy yelled, after logging off in a flash and slamming down his mouse, the Colonel grabbed his coat and left his office for home. Yet as tired and angry he was, he survived Trade Chat. (though he would never again use the damned feature of course)

* * *

So? Was it annoying just to read this? Cause in fact some of the dialogue is similar to when I found myself trapped when I was trying to buy something. Also upon seeing the WoW shirt "I survived Barrens Chat" This little idea came up as too how we all hate when a pointless subject comes up in Trade. Stay away from the cities and you will be safe kids!


End file.
